Wednesday, September 19, 2007

I Love You ... Oops, No I Don't

This article reports that a couple began an online relationship, found so much in common with each other, "fell in love," and decided to meet, only to find out that they were already married ... to each other.
"I was suddenly in love. It was amazing. We seemed to be stuck in the same kind of miserable marriage. How right that turned out to be," Sana, 27, said.

Adnan, 32, said: "I still find it hard to believe that Sweetie, who wrote such wonderful things, is actually the same woman I married and who has not said a nice word to me for years".
So they decided to divorce for untruthfulness. Wierd eh??

Here are some lessons:

1. A large part of marriage is communication. If you communicate about your issues, your chance of solving them increases by a huge percentage. If all you are is a whiner, then put a sock in it (your mouth). Talk about problems with solutions in mind ... solutions that seek the best for both parties, not just yourself.

2. If you can communicate online, you can do it in person. It just takes more work ... usually. So bite the bullet, open your mouth, and get started. Write down your thoughts ahead of time if you need to (probably a good idea), and keep your voice tone and your spirit under control. Do not yell, make accusations, or cast blame. Seek to build the relationship, not win fights. Someone once told me that they knew that if they had talked and communicated with their spouse like they did with their online partner, it would have helped the marriage tremendously. Unfortunately, they chose not to.

Corollary to #2: If you find yourself getting along with your spouse online, there is no reason you cannot do it offline ... unless you are selfish and ungodly (isn't that redundant). In fact, you and your spouse can get along in any situation if you are both willing. If one of you is not willing, there is little if any hope. Do not let the unwilling one be you.

3. If you start getting involved online, you are entering a very dangerous world. If you chat, be careful. Chat only with people you know, like relatives, or occasionally for specific help (like computer problems). Stay out of social chat rooms, no matter how innocent your intention. Do not chat with members of the opposite sex under any condition (unless they are family members ... immediate ... not your brother's wife or sister's husband).

4. It is better to put down your computer and read a book and talk to your spouse ... or read a book with your spouse and talk to about with them.

5. Learn what it means to be "in love." It is inseparable from obedience to Christ. It is not about feelings, and does not depend on your spouse's kindness, good humor, or sexuality. It depends on your willingness to obey our Savior.

As for me, I will follow #4 right now.

1 comment:

Patrick Berryman said...

Sounds like a modern day version of the Pina Colada song (am I the only one that remembers that?)