Lloyd-Jones on Evangelicals and Lifestyles

In describing evangelicals in his book What Is An Evangelical?, Dr. Martyn Lloyd-Jones says,

Evangelicals pay great attention to the way in which people live. They are strict in their behaviour. This used to be one of the most prominent characteristics of evangelicalism. I remember in my first contacts with the student movement, the people of the SCM and others used to describe those who belonged to the evangelical unions, the evangelicals, in these terms, Ah, they’re the people who don’t go to cinemas, they don’t drink, and they don’t smoke. I do not think they say that about them now. There has been a great change, but I am one of those who believe that there was a great deal to be said for the old position. The evangelical is careful about his life, careful to maintain good works, to live a life above reproach, not to be a hindrance or an obstacle to a weaker brother. The great ethic, the emphasis on holiness of the New Testament, is something which true evangelicals have always set great store by. They were called Puritans for that reason; hey were called Methodists because they were methodical and careful. They did not merely content themselves with an intellectual belief. No, their whole life had to be governed by their doctrine. ‘Every man that hath this hope in him purifieth himself, even as he is pure’ (1 John 3:3). This emphasis on holiness in personal life and in church life is a great characteristic of evangelicalism (D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones, What Is An Evangelical?, pp. 58-59).

I think the Doctor is onto something here.

Today, it seems like the biggest battle cry of evangelicalism is freedom—freedom to partake of or participate in whatever I want, no matter what. I know that is a bit of an oversimplification, but I am fairly sure there is a lot more preaching in evangelicalism on freedom than there is on holiness.

Why? Perhaps fear of being called a legalist. Perhaps a desire to stoop to immaturity.

We have perhaps too often allowed the lowest common denominator to dictate preaching.

Perhaps we are too unaware of the subtle influence of worldliness.

Perhaps we need to return to the days when the “emphasis on holiness in personal life and in church life is a great characteristic of evangelicalism.”

Memo to Governor Sanford

SHUT UP ALREADY!!!!

We don’t need to know all this stuff. Just because people ask questions doesn’t mean you need to answer.

But Sanford demonstrates the lengths to which hurting, deceived, and confused people go. They will talk to anyone who will listen. And rarely do they listen to the people they should, and rarely talk only to the people they should.

No one needs an explanation of his “tragic love story.” No one needs to know he found his “soul mate” who is not his wife. The public doesn’t need to know he crossed boundaries with other women.

He is trying to defend the indefensible. He is the classic case of, “I did wrong, but …” Everything that comes after “but” cancels out everything that comes before. He is rationalizing why it was wrong, but it was really okay.

Governor, the news media is not interested in helping you restore your marriage, your spiritual life, or regain integrity. They are interested in one thing, and it’s not even the integrity of state government. They are interested in selling newspapers. They know if they can keep publishing stories about you, people will come back and read them.

You don’t need a news reporter.

You need a biblically grounded pastor who will lovingly get in your face and call you on the carpet. Who will use the word to confront you in your deception, self-absorption, lack of transparency, and immoral thinking. He needs to tell you your biggest problem wasn’t emails, or trips to NYC, or Argentina. Your biggest problem is far deeper. It is a love in your life that allowed you to think those things were okay.

You need to spend much time in the Word, in self-examination in light of Scripture. It will take honesty (something you have struggled with, it appears). It will take courage. But this is what repentant people do.

You also need accountability. This means you need a man who will travel with you everywhere you go and stay in the same room with you unless you are with your wife or your sons. You will have no phone conversations, emails, or other forms of communication that this person is not a part of. He will stand outside the bathroom door until you come out (and you will not take your cell phone with you in the bathroom since you have proven you cannot be trusted in this area). He must be strong enough to take the guff you will give him and strong enough not to give in your sensual, deceived mind. He must be vocal enough to say, “No, not on my watch. You’re not doing that.” There will come a time when the “body man” won’t be necessary anymore. But that time is not now, as you proved by going to NYC with your “spiritual advisor” and committing adultery anyway. If you had done what I am suggesting, he would have had to watch,and I bet things would have been different.

You need to begin to rebuild personal trust and integrity through the establishment of walls and boundaries. Walls won’t always work, and they won’t make you more godly, but they will help protect you until your spiritual strength is sufficient to hold you up. And they are necessary on the road to restoration to God and family.

So three kind of random-ish things:

First, in counseling and discipleship, make people stop before the “but.” Exploring reasons and thinking may be helpful, but not after the “but.” “I did wrong. Period.”

Second, only talk to people who matter and people who can help. One of the worst things you can do in pain is talk to everybody. You want a friendly ear, someone to sympathize. You want to explain. Once you have worn one ear out, you will go looking for another. Why? Because you are self-absorbed in your own pain, and you can’t understand that everyone else doesn’t feel the way you do. You think they want to talk about it as much as you do. Get over yourself. Stop talking about it all the time.

Third, in your life, develop relationships with one or two trusted people who know you well. When hard times come, talk to them and them alone. Make sure they are godly. Make sure they have a biblical understanding of sin and deception. Make sure they aren’t too chicken to say what needs to be said. Make sure they aren’t too calloused to love genuinely.

Sanford and Sons

Gov. Mark Sanford of South Carolina has recently confessed publicly to an adulterous relationship with a married woman from Argentina. Several things strike me in reading the stories and watching the news conference.

First, I didn’t keep track, but it seemed that every time his family came up, his sons were mentioned first. Here’s news, Governor: Your sons are not the most important person in your family. Your wife is. The fact that your wife seemed to consistently come in second place may have been unintentional, but it may reveal more than you intended it to. And it may be the reason you did what you did. She was not important enough to you. And God certainly was not important enough to you. Dads, the most important thing you can do for your sons is to love their mother first, love her more than them, and love because of the gospel. (Same thing with you ladies.)

Second, Sanford says this relationship started eight years ago when he met this woman, and ironically was telling her she needed to stay with her husband for the sake of her two boys. Again, you see that Sanford has missed the point of staying in a marriage. And you also see why men and women should not talk to members of the opposite sex about their marital problems. Even the talk of such problems removes walls that should not be removed. Even pastors, or especially pastors, are not immune to this danger.

Third, emails (particularly private emails) with members of the opposite sex are generally a bad idea. Email should be transparent to your spouse or to other accountability partners. There is no reason for you to have an email account, a facebook page, or a myspace page (or any other social networking site) that your spouse does not know about and does not have complete access to  whenever they want it. Computers have made the world smaller and have invited more inappropriate intimacy. Computers make things easy to hide. Same thing with cell phones by the way. Keep it open and transparent.

Fourth, when you are involved in an immoral relationship, you don’t need to spend five days in Argentina to break it off. You can say, “We’re done, don’t ever contact me again,” without the cost of a plane ticket. You don’t need to do it in person. Pick up the phone with your spouse in the room, and call. It will take one minute and it will be transparent. Don’t drag it out. There are no need for explanations. You don’t need to talk it through. You need to be done and never, under any circumstances, have any contact with the person again, if possible. If it is a co-worker, it’s probably time to look for a new job. If it is a neighbor, it is probably time to move. Change your cell phone number if you need to. Harsh? Perhaps. But to do less is asking for a repeat.

If all you have done so far is exchange emails, then just stop. You don’t need to reply. Cancel your email account and be done. Don’t send an explanatory “break-up” email. Just stop. If you have progressed to phone calls or physical meetings, more will probably be necessary. Yes, you face the possible ire of a lovers-scorned, but that’s the consequences you invited when you made the choice. You made the bed (literally); and now you have to lie in it.

Fifth, realize that adultery and immorality is not ultimately about sex. It’s about the heart. When you fail to guard your heart, you will look for love in all in the wrong places. And you will usually find it.

And in the end, it will cost you everything you have, and more.

Spend some time regularly in Proverbs 5-7. Guard your heart with all diligence. And teach your sons not to collect the moral junk of this world and stack it around the yard and house of their mind. Teach them Proverbs 5-7, not just be word, but by life.

The one who commits adultery with a woman is lacking sense;
He who would destroy himself does it.
Wounds and disgrace he will find,
And his reproach will not be blotted out
(Proverbs 6:32-33)

Now therefore, my sons, listen to me,
And pay attention to the words of my mouth. 
Do not let your heart turn aside to her ways,
Do not stray into her paths. 
For many are the victims she has cast down,
And numerous are all her slain. 
Her house is the way to Sheol,
Descending to the chambers of death
(Proverbs 7:24-27)