How Would You Like To Be This Child?

From an article on the BBC website, a mother is suing a hospital for a half-abortion. She was pregnant with twins, and decided to kill her babies. A few months of continual weight gain and disrupted cycles led to the discovery that the abortion was only half effective. One twin had survived.

She is now four years old, and her mother is suing. How do you explain that to your daughter?

"Mommy, why am I here?"

"Because I tried to kill you and your twin and it didn't work right. It only killed your twin. But at least I got a lot of money for it."

"Oh, okay. Can I have a ice-cream cone?"

I know ... I know ... Over the top. But this infuriates me.

The mother says, "I have got a child now that I wasn't planning to have and I believe the hospital should take some responsibility for that," she said." Yes, of course. God forbid that you should take responsibility for it. After all, it was the hospital that forced you to lay back and ... well ... I'll stop there.

Where were her parents encouraging her to remain pure for marriage? Where was the local church, reaching out with the life-changing gospel? Where were her parents, encouraging her to accept responsibility for the lives that she helped bring into existence? Why didn't she give the baby up for adoption, to parents who wanted a child?

She said, "It has totally changed my life and my parents' lives." Well, no kidding, Einstein.

This angers me. And it hurts. It angers me because people throw babies away, when there are couples beyond number who would love to have a baby, who cannot conceive, or who have lost children in miscarriage. It hurts because it hits close to home. A little boy never made it into our home because of a miscarriage. Dark days that maybe you know about. Days when you are not sure what to say to the spouse you love. Days when all the answers sound pat and trite. Days that were followed by sixteen months of hope and then disappointment. All the while millions of unwanted children were sacrificed on the altar of convenience.

There were times when we were tempted to question God: "Why do you give babies to people who don't want them, and withhold them from those who do? Why do you give babies to people who will raise them in squalor, poverty, or even riches without God, and withhold them from those who want to raise up a godly offspring?" The answer we had to continually remind ourselves of is that God is God. He gets to do what he wants. And for reasons of his own, he decided that our little boy was better off in heaven with him, than on earth. But joy comes in the morning, the psalmist says. And hopefully, in about 26 mornings (give or take), a little boy will enter this world to grow up in our home, with parents who love him and love God.

What goes through a woman's mind after an abortion? I know almost daily, I wonder what our little boy would have been like. In my mind, I can see him toddling through the house, playing with toys. I can see him smearing food all over his face, trying to get the spoon in the right hole. I imagine holding him in my lap to read to him, taking down to the river to watch the ships. I imagine tucking him into bed and praying with him at night. And it makes me miss him. And it makes me love God more and trust him more because I know God did what was pleasing to him. And we experienced his grace in a way that I could never have imagined.

But in my anger is even more sadness, sadness beyond belief. I see it often ... a young teenage girl, carrying a baby around on her hip, or pushing him in a stroller down the street. I get phone calls asking for help with food and rent, with heat. And my heart breaks.

It breaks because it happened to begin with. A life that is supposed to be growing up and learning about life has had all its innocence and youth robbed.

My heart breaks because I want to help.

Life as a teen mom is bad, but it doesn't have to be the end.

The question is, Is fundamentalism prepared to deal in any meaningful way with this situation? I wonder that. How should we handle it? This tragedy isn't limited to the unchurched young women. It happens in the church, as well. Have we so removed ourselves from "doing good to all men" that we unprepared to help these in need?

Our God is a God of grace and forgiveness. He can restore the broken, be a father to the fatherless, and comfort even those who are caught in the web of their own sin. Condemnation is not what these girls need. They need help, compassion, and straight talk from someone who has taken the time to get to know them, to invest in them, and to love them in their current state. Someone to cry with them, to change diapers with them, to laugh with them, to enjoy motherhood with them, to have coffee with them and talk about their now shared experiences.

I fear too often we start with the straight talk and we fail to show compassion and give help. We fail to invest in older women teaching younger women (yes, even those younger women).

I am not talking about soft-pedaling the sin of sexual immorality. But beating a pregnant mom over the head with it won't change the past. It may change her future, and drive her away from the only people in the world who can truly help ... the Church.

When someone is hurting, even in their own sin, don't pull punches, but start with compassion. The question must be, "What next? Where do we go from here?" How do we get your on your feet? How do we help you raise your child? How can we help you know God?

Fundamentalism must be about the total gospel to the total person ... even those who make bad choices in life.